I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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