Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
