so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
