just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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