I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
