she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
