At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I queefed so loud it echoed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
