I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
