Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
