i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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