sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
