I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
