i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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