Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
