Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
