Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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