I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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