I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
