is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
