I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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