Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
