i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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