Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
