girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
