i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
