he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
