may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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