Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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