She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
