I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
