So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
