This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
