I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
