loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
