Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
