you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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