dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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