What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
