They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
