my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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