Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
