he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
