If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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