well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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