A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
