i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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