Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
