Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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