Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
