I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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