My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
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That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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