just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
