from now on my penis is your penis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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