From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
