Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
