Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize