if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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