I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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