My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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