I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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