ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
