I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
