The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
