Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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