Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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