Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
