new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I deserve this hangover.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
