Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
