just tell him i said nine months
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
