Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
from now on my penis is your penis
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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