i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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