Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize