I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
