There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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