i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my phone needs a breathalizer
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i love accidental penises.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
