I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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