I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
