haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
