It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
