just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
