Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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